Archive for November, 2007
holidays…
Nov 24th
Just really am concerned about one thing this year for Christmas. That’s visiting my grand-daddy “long legs”s grave site. Haven’t been there since we buried him. Guess as the years go by I come closer and closer to accepting it. Ever since I was young I can always remember him singing old songs to us at Christmas and Thanksgiving. Doesn’t really seem the same without him. Sometimes it really depresses me when I stop to think about it. I guess a time when everyone is so joyous, I’m hurting on the inside. Sometimes I can push those feelings way down into my stomach, but they always seem to resurface sooner or later (like tonight). It’s like the energy drains from my body and the feelings of sadness and loss flood into my mind and heart. I hope to visit his site this Christmas when I’m in Ohio. I’ll probably go alone.. this is something that I should do for myself so that I can become close to accepting the fact that I won’t see him until I pass away. We’ll see how it goes this holiday season.. I hate feeling like this around this time of year.. but I really do miss him. I treasure the fact that my other grandparents are still with me. Honestly don’t think I could handle anymore loss… I don’t cope with it well. I’m afraid that it just might kill me when it happens.
a long over-due update
Nov 23rd
Hello…
Yes.. it has been quite some time since my last update. Since I figure this site is more for personal therapy more than a blog that any reads, I figure it is my job to update it whenever I feel like it and not a moment too soon. Had a very nice Thanksgiving spent with my friends and their family (as mine is off in Ohio for this year). I love hanging with my family, but there’s something special about going with your friends and they inviting you into their home and showing you hospitality that would normally be reserved for family members. Maybe it’s just Virginia, but it really does show the kindness of others. I do so love the holidays for that. I like seeing people be nice to each other. In this world it seems to be a rarity.
I do have some rather good news. My exgirlfriend who moved to Virginia beach and I have gotten back together. She’s giving serious thought to moving down here in March or April… who knows. Maybe after that marriage will follow suit? I think we would work good together. I think of all my girlfriends, she has been the most laid back and loving. She messages me in the middle of the day just to tell me that she loves me and has been thinking about me. I can be a very emotional person sometimes and see that really makes me see that she really does love me and cares enough about me to drop everything she’s doing just to send me a text message in the hopes that it will brighten my day… and it does. A couple of years back I went into panic mode about the marriage thing, thinking that I should be married as soon as possible and that if I didn’t I would wither away to nothing.. Weird huh? Not really what most guys go through. Then again I’m not most guys. That feeling I believe has passed and I’m happy just knowing that she is there whenever we’re both ready. I also know I can trust her which has always been an important thing.
Not really much else going on.. Other than the fact that since I paid off my loans, there has been a strange need for me to be in debt. Like not being in debt isn’t normal. Odd feeling. Anywho, I bought me a 55 gallon aquarium for my fishees and just tonight bought a 60some inch tv. I hope this impulse buying stuff goes away quick before I run out of money. I figure you’re only on this world once.. You can’t take any of this material stuff with you, so why not enjoy it while you have it? I am comfortable in my new duplex.. I can pay my bills and life has been very kind to me. I have been truly blessed.
Well that’s all for tonight.. Maybe I can post more later on. I’ll try not to forget
Mood : Drained 
